Blue Palms Resort United States

Escape to Paradise: Blue Palms Resort Awaits!

Escape to Paradise: Blue Palms Resort Awaits! - A Rollicking Review (Honest AF!)

Okay, buckle up, because I just bulldozed my way outta Blue Palms Resort, and I'm here to spill the beans. Forget those dry, boring reviews. You want the real deal? Let's get this messy, honest, and hopefully, hilarious show on the road.

First Impressions: (Accessibility? Let's Find Out…)

First things first: getting around. Accessibility is a biggie, and honestly, this is where things get a little…complicated. They say they have facilities for disabled guests, and there is an elevator. BUT (and this is a big but), I didn't exactly see a detailed accessibility breakdown. I'd call ahead if you have specific needs. Same goes for parking - there's car parking [free of charge] and car park [on-site], but is there designated accessible parking? Ask.

(RANT ALERT: It’s a small one!)

They’re like, "Yeah, we have an elevator!" Great! But is the lobby easily navigable? Are the hallways wide enough? Sometimes these things are afterthoughts, ya know? Just a heads-up.

Internet Access & the Glitchy Gods of Wi-Fi

Alright, let's talk internet. They boast Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!, and you'd think, "Hallelujah!" Nope. Internet access – wireless was spotty at times. You get that glorious promise of paradise then BAM – buffering! The Internet [LAN] option is there (remember those?), but who’s carrying a LAN cable these days? Come on Blue Palms, get your Wi-Fi sorted! Internet services were, well, services. Mostly working, though sometimes they gave me the ol' "spinny wheel of doom." Wi-Fi in public areas was generally better. But still, my Instagram thirst needed to quenched.

Things to Do & Ways to Relax (Oh Boy…)

This is the juicy part. Let's face it, we're here to unwind, and Blue Palms Resort has options. Loads of ‘em!

Spa/sauna: Okay, let's start with my favorite. I got a massage. And, oh my god, it was transcendental. The pressure was perfect. The masseuse was practically psychic. She knew where I held all my tension (my lower back, obviously). I swear I drifted off to a place where unicorns frolicked and the only currency was chocolate. The sauna was a hot, sweaty dream. I felt all my stresses melting away. I spent a lot of time in the spa. This is truly where the resort shines!
Swimming pool: (Outdoor swimming pool is a must!) the pool with a view was an Instagram-worthy moment and also a great refresher. The poolside bar was the perfect spot for a cocktail or two.
Fitness center: I may or may not have actually used the Fitness center a.k.a. the gym/fitness. No comment.
Body scrub, body wrap, foot bath: I'm not a body-wrap kind of person, but hey, options!
Steamroom: I’m a steamroom aficionado. The one at Blue Palms was top-notch.

Cleanliness and Safety (Post-Pandemic Peace of Mind)

Look, we all want to be safe. Blue Palms seems to get this. They're trying. Things that gave me a sigh of relief: Hand sanitizer everywhere, Staff trained in safety protocol, Anti-viral cleaning products, and Daily disinfection in common areas. They also had Room sanitization opt-out available if you're that kind of person. Individually-wrapped food options were great. Safe dining setup. I felt like they were taking it seriously. Did I see everything being cleaned flawlessly? Probably not. But the effort was there, and that's important. They even did sterilizing equipment! Pretty impressive!

Dining, Drinking, and Snacking (Feed Me Seymour!)

Food, glorious food! Let's delve in!

Restaurants: They have several restaurants, and the A la carte in restaurant options are plentiful.
Breakfast : Start with breakfast, specifically breakfast [buffet]. It's a good buffet. You have your Western breakfast, your Asian breakfast, a pretty good selection. The coffee/tea in restaurant was standard. I had the coffee shop every morning.
Dining Experience: The salad in restaurant was fresh. I did have a soup in restaurant, pretty good. The desserts in restaurant are delicious. The bottle of water on the table was a nice touch. Oh, and the Happy hour was very important (duh).
Room service: Room service [24-hour] – always a plus!
Bars: the Poolside bar was a perfect relaxation.
Vegetarian restaurant and Asian cuisine in restaurant: A plus for variety!

Services and Conveniences (They've Got You Covered… Mostly)

Concierge: They have a concierge. They were helpful.
Daily housekeeping: Daily housekeeping was efficient.
Cash withdrawal: They have Cash withdrawal.
Baby sitting and kids facilities: Great for families!
Meeting and banquet facilities: Good for business meetings!
Business facilities (fax and all that jazz).
Smoking area: (If you're into that)
Gift shop: (Perfect for souvenirs!)

For the Kids (Are Your Kids Welcome?)

Kids facilities. They have a Babysitting service, so good for families!

The Room (My Personal Sanctuary… Kinda)

My room? Let's be honest, it wasn't perfect. But it was comfy enough. They have all the usual suspects, Air conditioning (thank god!), Blackout curtains (yes!), Coffee/tea maker(essential!), Mini bar (duh!), In-room safe box and, of course, Wi-Fi [free]. The bed was comfortable, but the pillows were a little…flat. I'm a pillow snob, though. Otherwise, it was a great stay.

Getting Around (The Logistics)

Airport transfer: They offer Airport transfer (very convenient!).
Taxi service: Good for exploring!
Bicycle parking
Car park

The Verdict (Truth Time!)

Would I go back to Escape to Paradise: Blue Palms Resort Awaits!? Absolutely. Flaws and all! It's a solid resort with great potential AND an amazing spa. It might not be perfect, and they still have a thing or two to work on, but the good outweighs the bad.

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Alright, buckle up, buttercups, 'cause we're diving headfirst into my… ahem… unique attempt at a travel itinerary for Blue Palms Resort. And trust me, it's gonna be less "polished brochure" and more "drunken diary entry found under a tiki torch."

Day 1: Arrival & Existential Dread (with a splash of turquoise)

9:00 AM: Arrive at Blue Palms, Miami. (Okay, technically, arrive at Miami, then a shuttle to Blue Palms. My pre-trip excitement dwindled faster than a piña colada in July when I saw the shuttle driver. He looked like he hadn't slept since the Reagan administration. But hey, at least he was moving.)
9:45 AM: Check in – which, naturally, involved a minor panic attack over my already-slightly-sunburnt face and a battle with a malfunctioning key card. The desk clerk (bless her heart) seemed unfazed by my flailing. She probably deals with this daily. "Welcome to paradise!" she chirped. Paradise…with a broken key card. Deep breaths.
10:30 AM: Room reconnaissance. The view? Magnificent! Actually, the view was one of the best I've ever seen, the vibrant blue of the ocean sparkling, palm trees swaying in the gentle breeze. The color, though, almost a violent turquoise, felt a little jarring after my cramped airplane seat. The room itself: Adequate, bordering on aggressively beige. But hey, the AC works! Priorities.
11:00 AM: Attempt at unpacking. Ended up staring blankly at my suitcase, wondering how I brought so much stuff. Seriously, did I pack for a week or a polar expedition? Declared a strategic retreat to observe the ocean.
12:00 PM: Lunch at the resort's "casual dining" place. Ordered a burger. The burger was…a burger. Edible. Not life-altering. Needed more ketchup. And maybe a therapist. (Seriously, did I overpack? It's a sign of something, right?)
1:30 PM - 4:00 PM: Beach time!!! Tried to relax. Felt…anxious. The sand was hot! The sun was…sunny! The ocean…gorgeous. Spent a solid hour battling the urge to get up and run into the water. (Also nearly lost a beach towel to the wind. Embarrassing.) Ended up hiding behind a massive beach umbrella, wondering if I should have brought a bigger hat.
4:00 PM - 5:00 PM: More beach time. This time, I actually walked into the water. It was a little cold but great. The sound of the waves made me feel so calm. For a little bit.
6:00 PM: Shower. Washed the sand out of… everywhere. Then, started my search of a cozy and fun bar, for one single cocktail, or maybe two.
7:00 PM: Dinner. There's a restaurant at Blue Palms that promises authentic…something. Something delicious, at any rate.
8:00 PM: Strolling. I walked around the resort thinking if it was too early to go to bed. After a rough day, I decided to hit the hay, so I did.

Day 2: Embracing the Clumsy Tourist (and a near-disaster involving a banana)

8:00 AM: Woke up, feeling surprisingly… okay-ish. Must be the ocean air. Or the sheer exhaustion of yesterday. Coffee is a must.
9:00 AM: Breakfast. The resort buffet is always a gamble. Today's champion: the sad-looking scrambled eggs. Today’s loser: the soggy bacon. Lesson learned: stick to the fruit.
10:00 AM: Pool time! (Attempted to go, but I got a bit lost. The resort IS HUGE.)
11:00 AM - 12:30 PM: THE WATERSLIDE! Okay, this deserves its own block. They have an amazing waterslide at the resort, big, looping, terrifying, and everything I thought I wanted. The line was long but the sun seemed less daunting and the people around me seemed very happy. After much internal debating, and several sips of water, I took the leap. It was over in a matter of seconds, but I loved it. I surfaced, laughing. Then I saw my sunglasses…gone. Vanished into the watery abyss. Defeated, but elated. I will miss those sunglasses, but worth it.
12:30 PM: More water, a sandwich. That burger was a distant memory.
2:00 PM: Attempted a "relaxing" massage. It was, quite frankly, the best massage of all time. I think I might have even fallen asleep, at least for a bit.
4:00 PM: Banana-related incident at the bar. Ordered a piña colada. Apparently, I was so caught up in the joy of the moment that I wasn't paying attention when I reached for a banana. Slipped. Almost took out a toddler. Apologized profusely to the mother, who (thankfully) found it hilarious. Goodness, I’m a walking comedy routine.
5:00 PM: Swimming in the pool, after having dried off and relaxed a little more.
6:00 PM: Pre-dinner prep. Considering a sophisticated outfit. Probably leaning towards comfy casual.
7:00 PM: Dinner. Decided to try one of the less-casual places. It was a delightful disaster. Good food, but the conversation was a little strained.
9:00 PM: Bar. Trying a different angle with the bar.
10:00 PM: Back to the room. Realized I left my book at the beach. Decided to blame it on the piña coladas.

Day 3: The Deep Dive, (and a strong feeling I still need to unpack.)

8:00 AM: Breakfast, now with a side of determination. (Actually managed to eat a piece of toast before the butter melted. Small victories.) Decided to order room service to avoid the buffet.
9:00 AM: The Deep Dive: Into the Ocean: Snorkeling! Which was surprisingly terrifying at first. The water was clear. I could see fish. I felt… exposed. Then, I got over it. Saw a sea turtle! It was majestic. Felt an odd sense of wonder. The ocean is beautiful, but it’s also… vast.
12:00 PM: Lunch. Decided to sit by the beach again. I enjoyed it.
2:00 PM: Nap.
4:00 PM: Walk.
7:00 PM: Dinner.
8:00 PM: Pool.
Rest of the Night: Decided to think I'd had a good day, and I went to bed.

Day 4: Unexpected Moments and the Relentless Pursuit of Relaxation

8:00 AM: Final breakfast. It went great and I actually ate enough food to be full.
9:00 AM: Departure.
Afternoon: Fly home.

Epilogue:

Blue Palms Resort was…a thing. A messy, hilarious, occasionally stressful, and ultimately… good thing. Did I achieve inner peace? Probably not. Did I relax? Maybe a little. Did I have more than my fair share of mishaps? Absolutely. Would I go back? Heck, yeah, I would. But next time, I’m bringing two pairs of sunglasses and DEFINITELY unpacking on Day One.

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Escape to Paradise: Blue Palms Resort Awaits! - ...Or Does It? My Thoughts, Honestly

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